Sex advice: My boyfriend can never compare to my best sex trick - Slate

Slate Plus members get more How to Do It each week. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I (cisgender woman) am seeing a new fellow and finding it much harder to get off with digital stimulation than it used to be.

I recently stopped using a vibrator for masturbating. It’s going fairly well, except when I get to the “peak,” instead of the longer orgasms I get with a vibrator, I barely experience a couple of vaginal contractions before it’s over. Admittedly, it has been a dry spell of a bit over a year and since I bought that vibrator, which is more powerful than those I had used before, but I am sure that my orgasms by manual stimulation used to be longer and more intense! Do I just need to give it more time? Have I somehow permanently conditioned myself to need a vibrator for satisfying orgasms?

—Hot and Not Bothered Enough

Dear Hot and Not Bothered Enough,

You might have conditioned yourself to this particular vibrator, or to vibrating sensations in general. We tend to fall into routines, get used to them, and then get tripped up when they change. The good news is we’re adaptable, and you’ll likely adjust back to something like the response you had before.

I’m wondering, though, if your new fellow is stopping stimulation earlier than you would when you’re using the vibrator. Continued stimulation—to the point of “this is too much”—tends to provide the longest and most powerful orgasms. So it’s worth considering what he does when you start having your orgasm. Try asking him to keep going without changing anything, and to increase the sensation when he sees or feels that you’ve started to come.

—Stoya

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